’Tis the season peeps! Lot of traveling, shopping and crowded roads, so, I thought of giving everyone a quick memory refresh on road signs and rules.

Before we start, if you drive a bus or is a benevolent soul who art above the law, you don’t have to read this, road rules don’t really apply to you folk. So have a Merry Christmas Ho! Ho Ho.

Dotted, single and double lines: Purely decorative. They bring a certain elegance to a rather mundane black/grey backdrop. They can be quite handy though, specially if you want to keep your vehicle straight on the road. As a rule of thumb, If your vehicle have less than four wheels keep the front wheel on the line. If four or more wheels, then center your vehicle to the line. Specially helpful on a Friday night if you are a bit tipsy.

Pavements/ Gutter Covers/ Shoulder markings: These have been left as emergency expansion space in case there is some traffic ahead or if you are in a hurry to go somewhere. You can use these just like regular road. Clever noh? If you are in a hurry, please by all means, just use any available space, it’s not like there are others on the road, duh!

Traffic Lights: Pure trickery, something Loki himself might design. Before following these colorful twinkly thingies, you need to check if there is a Police Officer present, If present follow the flock, because you might think Green means go, but you could be seriously mistaken. Also, these lights act as a testing apparatus of team work, specially if it’s raining or during rush hour. The slightest sign of rain or traffic, they go all amber.

Zebra Crossings: This is your chance to shine! This is your own ramp to practice your catwalk. Put on your best walk and amuse the audience. Shake what your mama gave you, walk like the heavens are on your shoulders and the road is made with the fluffiest cake. Also, it’s polite to wait till people from one side crosses over before the people on the other side start crossing. We don’t want any unnecessary collisions, now do we? Older folk, please note that you walking briskly or running across the Zebra crossing is not cool, take a hint from the young bloodz.

Box Junctions: Oh! These are the Holy Grail of Zebra Crossings! If you are lucky enough to stumble upon one of these, go mental! Unlike the Zebra crossing, this are multi axes. You can go in any direction you want, do the Carlton or the Floss, just go bonkers.

Parking Slots: Now, If you have played the Chinese game of Go¹, You’ll know the objective is to capture the most amount of territory with the least amount of stones. It’s the same here, just ignore the slanted lines, and try to capture the most amount of parking spaces with the least amount of vehicles. Also when you open you doors, make sure to leave a friendly mark on the car next to you. If you don’t hit it hard enough the first time, try a few times, it’s a nice souvenir to have the color of the car parked next to you on your car.

No turning Signs: Ignore them, they only apply if you are an arrow.

Using roads is no biggie, just make sure a Police Office don’t spot you or you don’t bump into anything else that’s moving. On the latter though, if you can make a quick escape, don’t worry about it.

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